I know that I am an expert when it comes to wearing a mask. I am a perfectionist, and I do not want to allow others to see my faults. I am a Christian ministry major. I am not suppose to struggle with anything! My life is perfect! My relationship with God is strong! I will not and can not fall. What happens though when I begin to take my mask off? Recently, I have realized I need to do this in many areas of my life. If we do not allow others to ever see who we truly are, it begins to affect us and our relationships with the people around us. In relationships, there needs to be a sense of closeness. When masks are worn God and people can only get so close, but when our masks are taken of I truly believe it furthers God's kingdom. God works through our true identity, not the fake hidden one.
I experienced taking off my mask this semester at school. For one of my classes we had to do group counseling. Each group member would question each other and share certain things. One night everyone began to question me. They questioned me about the death of my father. I was seven years old when he died (I am now 21), but I was strong in this area. I knew how to tell others the basics of his disease and death, how it was difficult, and then move on. I knew how to wear this mask perfectly, but their questions began to dig deeper. They saw through my silly mask, and I began to tell them things I remembered about my father's death that I had never shared before.
One thing specifically that I shared was a powerful memory I had during the funeral process. I remembered many people at my house, but I escaped to my room. I took a picture of my father, crawled deep into my closet, and cried. I do not remember what was running through my head at the time, but I remember a woman coming into my room. She saw me in the closet, asked if I was alright, apologized, and left. I learned there to deal with my feelings about my father's death alone. The group comforted me, but I did not realize the impact this story would have.
A few weeks later, our group counseling sessions were ending. One member thanked me for sharing about my father's death. He said that it impacted him spiritually and emotionally. He then shared with me and the group that he recently experienced a death in his church. There were several children morning this loss, and because I had shared with him about my experience as a child he specifically cared for the children. He told me he wished he could have been there when I was a child and held me as I was crying. At this point, I could not help but allow a few tears to form. Why do I hide so much of myself sometimes? If by sharing this could help other children grieving a loss, I would never want to wear a mask again. I realized that my biggest ministry can come from my true identity. God wants to unite His people with amazing fellowship. He wants us to care and help one another. We can not do this by wearing our masks. So I ask you, what mask do you need to take off?
